Reaching out for help is a capacity multiplier
I recently caught myself falling back into old patterns of battling on my own through times of challenge. I spent days circling around a thorny problem before I jolted with realization, how the heck was it helping me to tumble with this alone?
This was familiar terrain. In moments of challenge, my first instinct is to look inwards, placing pressure on my own shoulders. “I can solve my way out of this” or “better I bear it than my team” have been on repeat in the past.
It’s shown up in my personal life, too. When I developed a sudden illness years ago, I chose to go to the ER alone, declining a friend’s offer to accompany me. I sat for six hours waiting for test results, determined to reach out to family and friends only when I had a resolution.
This tough-it-out independence got me quite far in my career, powering me through complex demands and a lot on my plate.
It worked until it didn’t. When it didn’t work, my fierce “figure it out” mentality led to exhaustion, overwhelm, and spinning my wheels. As I took on more complexity and responsibility at work and in life, “going it alone” became less and less sustainable.
What I really needed in those times stretched beyond my limits was support and connection from others—especially during times when things were at peak messiness.
We expand our capacity when we connect with our outside world for help. Our individual resilience can get us far, but connecting with others to be seen and supported squashes our insecurities, expands our ideas, and shows us options not within our current vantage point.
In my case, for that thorny problem I mentioned, after a few days of ruminating, I realized that I needed to get out of my own head and talk to someone who got it. An email and calendar invite later, I was seated in front of a fellow consultant and coach sharing my dilemma. The first words out of her mouth—”this is such a common challenge”—lifted a weight I didn’t know I was carrying.
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